Popular media personality, Toke Makinwa’s former husband, Maje Ayida has narrated his ordeal following his divorce from the TV star.

Ayida said: “I was overwhelmed with shame. I will be honest about the fact that I went through a divorce, which resulted in me being depressed. It was a very publicised divorce.”

“And that left me feeling very alone. I withdrew from society; I was really ashamed of my situation. Not just for myself, of course; my self-esteem was affected, but legacy is very important to me. I was ashamed of what I felt I had done to my family’s name. As a result, I went into hiding.”

“I didn’t want to interact with anyone. I wanted to be alone, stay at home. I stopped going to work. I found it very difficult to work. It was very hard.”

“I not only lose focus but also motivation. I lose the essence of even getting up in the morning. What am I getting up for? Everyone already feels a certain way about me. So, I started to lose work as a result of it. That was when it really started to get to me.”

“As a man, your work is your identity, and I started to lose work and business deals, so it became a real problem for me.”

“That was when I made a decision. I had to make a decision for my own survival because I was living in hopelessness. It went on for weeks.”

“I was out of the look for a whole year. I checked out of life for a year to recoup. I realised that I was in a very dark space. I was in a hole, but I needed to get out of it… I was on the floor. What’s sleep? I didn’t even know what that was. I had insomnia.”

“I was overly suspicious as well, so the few chances that I do get to go out, I have created a scenario in my own mind that everybody is talking about me, people are looking at me. And that would just send me back into my own home.”

“That feeling of hopelessness and the noise that was going on around me even though I was in silence was out of control. I made a choice. I decided that I didn’t want to stay in this space.”

“I did research on how to deal with it. The top of the list of the research that I did was accountability. I took the blame on myself. It made me feel worse at first until I began to take practical steps.”

For those who don’t know, Maje Ayida and Toke Makinwa got married in 2014. The marriage crashed in 2016 over allegations of infidelity.